I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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