That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
