I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
