Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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