im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
