i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
