if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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