so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
