i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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