I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
they need to just BURY HIM!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
