I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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