They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
