Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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