Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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