so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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