gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
