Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
