She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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