I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
