Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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