Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
