he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
