If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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