3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
