I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
