I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The struggles of a small town man whore
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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