non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
