Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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