i think i have herpe
just one?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
