I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
whose parrot is this?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
