I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
birth control should be required to get into college
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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