What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
