i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
