Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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