The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
