Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
