My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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