He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
