I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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