every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
