Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
