he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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