If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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