"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
