I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
