drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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