If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
