mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
