Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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