Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
