with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
