whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't deserve a penis
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
