can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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