so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There r osticjed everywhere
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
