I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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