dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
